Stephanie

Oh Stephanie!

 you are my epiphany, 

I have been with so many 

 From Annie to Zalphini 

but there ain't like you any, honey! 

You intoxicate me like a million Martini, 

 come lets have some alfredo fettuccini 

I will drive you in my cooper mini

 or steal, for you, a Lamborghini

just ride with me my honey! 

you are so god damn funny (more than lisa lampanelli), 

 that you make any day of mine, sunny

you bring the joy of an infinity

 which can't be bought by any money 

Oh wow, honey, Stephanie! 

Do not just believe.

Whenever this rings in my mind, I concur so true, so true.


Do not believe what you have heard;
Do not believe in traditions just because they have been 
handed down for many generations;
Do not believe in anything just because it is 
rumored and spoken by many;

Do not believe merely because a written statement
of some old sage is produced;
Do not believe in conjectures;
Do not believe in that as truth to which
you have become attached by habit;
Do not believe merely the authority
of your teachers and elders;

After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason
and is conducive to the good and gain of one and all,
then accept it and live up to it.

Kālāma Sutta
Aṇguttara Nikaya 3, 65

Who am i

Who am i? - I am just one of those bill paying machines. Just like the billions on this planet. Just a slightly different bill paying machine. Different in color, size, etc on a physical level nevertheless the same old bill paying machine.

That bill paying machine which never takes a chance being afraid of the outcome.

That bill paying machine which has a plan for things.

That bill paying machine which only does certain things and only in a certain manner.

That bill paying machine which is lifeless, nerveless, essence-less.

That bill paying machine which does not rebel out of fear.

That bill paying machine which just idles as the time passes.

That bill paying machine which does not dare to think about different possibilities.

That bill paying machine which does not tread the uncharted territories.

That bill paying machine which follows the herd.

That bill paying machine which is worried about some many things.

That bill paying machine which just repents.

That bill paying machine which is as if dead already.

Finally that bill paying machine which just pays the bills and nothing else.  

Now. Life. Problems. Hope.

I watched a video of Guy Kawasaki's talk at Stanford Entrepreneurship program in which he described how he got into Stanford, his work at Apple and bunch of other things related to entrepreneurship. In his talk, he shed light upon his current life as opposed to his life at Stanford. While at Stanford he used to watch all these exotic, expensive cars drive by, from the basket ball court and would wish them for him. Years later, now he has expensive cars and other riches but he confessed in the talk that he'd rather have the life where his problems were - the project/assignment he has to finish, the exam he has to study for, the score he needs to get, etc., and not the problems he has as an entrepreneur. This comes back to me now and now I am thinking I wish my problems were - which programming language to learn, how to program something at work, which technology to spend time on, etc., and not the problems I have with my married life - how to convince her, what next step to take to have a stable income, when to have kids, where to buy a house, how to deal with the new relatives, etc. aah I wish.
On those lonely days in the past, I was trying to find stuff to do to kill the time. I thought that was a problem and now I wish that be the problem for me and not what I have now.

Now that I think of how life works, it seems we always have problems no matter what but we'd rather be solving problems that we like. Well, thats a contradicting statement - like-able problem. But I think that's the interesting part. You only figure out that you liked a problem looking back and not at the current moment. Does that mean all we can do is wish for like-able problems? I don't know. I'm just saying. I think the mind is never content with the present situation and it keeps comparing to the past or hoping for a better future. Who knows after a while, I might wish the current problems than the then problems? You never know. For now, just live with what it is. Well, there is no alternative either. Just as summer springs after spring, hoping to see that sunny day after this storm.

Hope. 

suffering

So long as nothing ceases to excite, your mind never ceases to exist;


and so long the mind does not cease to exist, reacting to the excitement - misery continues. 


When everything ceases to excite, the mind ceases to exist; 


and when the mind ceases to exist, there is no more reaction. i.e. only cognizing part (sanya, in pali) of the mind exists and not the reactionary part (sankhara, in pali); 


and with only cognizing mind, there is no craving or aversion or ignorance. i.e. no attachment; 


and when there is no attachment, there is no misery or suffering;


and where there is no suffering, that is the real peace, happiness, nibbana. 




may all beings experience nibbana!

एहसास् - a realization

हो गए हैं शामिल भीड में हम भी
बन गए हैं हिस्सा इस पागलपन के हम भी
खो दिए हैं वो उसूल सारे

reflecting

Interesting read... I seem to agree with this a lot! 

Source: http://www.paulgraham.com/notnot.html

"Now we look back on medieval peasants and wonder how they stood it. How grim it must have been to till the same fields your whole life with no hope of anything better, under the thumb of lords and priests you had to give all your surplus to and acknowledge as your masters. I wouldn't be surprised if one day people look back on what we consider a normal job in the same way. How grim it would be to commute every day to a cubicle in some soulless office complex, and be told what to do by someone you had to acknowledge as a boss—someone who could call you into their office and say "take a seat," and you'd sit! Imagine having to ask permission to release software to users. Imagine being sad on Sunday afternoons because the weekend was almost over, and tomorrow you'd have to get up and go to work. How did they stand it?"